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Demetri Martin: Exit Only

Saturday, February 16th, 2013 | Quotes

I saw a sign on this door; it said, ‘Exit Only.’ So, I entered it and went up to the guy working there, and I was like, ‘I have some good news. You have severely underestimated this door over here by, like, 100%, man.’

Nobody remembers who finished second but the guy who finished second. -Unser, Bobby

Saturday, January 5th, 2013 | Quotes

Nobody remembers who finished second but the guy who finished second. -Unser, Bobby

Tom Fitzgerald

Friday, August 17th, 2012 | Quotes

“We might do well to contain our elation at seeing the light at the end of the tunnel until we are certain it is not some guy on a motorcycle coming straight at us.” Tom Fitzgerald quotes

Funny thoughts-Wise guy

Thursday, August 16th, 2012 | Funny, Quotes

Death is God’s way of telling you not to be such a wise guy.

Murdoch, Rupert

Wednesday, March 21st, 2012 | Quotes

The buck stops with the guy who signs the checks. Murdoch, Rupert quotes

Natasha Leggero: Boston Blackout

Friday, March 9th, 2012 | Quotes

This girl comes up to me with this thick Boston accent and she’s like, ‘Hey, you’ve seriously never woke up at a party and some guy was inside you?’ I never woke up at a party.

Sexual quotes-Paying

Monday, February 20th, 2012 | Quotes, Sexual

When a guy goes to a hooker, he’s not paying her for sex, he’s paying her to leave.

Humor quotes-Transsexual

Thursday, January 26th, 2012 | Funny, Quotes

“I knew a transsexual guy whose only ambition is to eat, drink, and be Mary.” — George Carlin.

Funny thoughts-Bachelor

Thursday, January 19th, 2012 | Funny, Quotes

A bachelor is a selfish, undeserving guy who has cheated some woman out of a divorce.

Famous funny last words

Friday, January 13th, 2012 | Funny, Quotes

-> Hey that’s not a violin.-> I’ll just slip into the commuter lane for a second.-> I don’t think we’re in Kansas anymore.-> You wouldn’t hit a guy with glasses on, would you?