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“Religion has convinced people that there’s an invisible man. living in the sky, who watches everything you do every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a list of ten specific things he doesn’t want you to do. And if you do any of these things, he will send you to a special [...]
« I do this real moron thing, it’s called thinking, and I’m not a very good Amercian because I like to form my own opionions. » – George Carlin
« You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans » – George Carlin
“I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me – they’re cramming for their final exam.”- George Carlin
“Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?”- George Carlin
“I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, “Where’s the self-help section?” She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.”- George Carlin
“The best thing about getting old is you’re not responsible for remembering things anymore. Even important things. ‘But it was your daughter’s funeral.’ ‘I forgot!’ You can even make believe you have Alzheimer’s disease. It’s a lot of fun. You can look around the dining room table and say, ‘Who are you people and where [...]
“Sometimes guys will say to you, ‘Have a good one’. I say, ‘I already have a good one. Now I’m looking for a longer one’.” — George Carlin. Popular search terms:Have a good one movie quote search
“If a movie is described as a romantic comedy you can usually find me next door playing pinball” – George Carlin
“The caterpillar does all the work but the butterfly gets all the publicity” – George Carlin