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“When I go to a bar, I don’t go looking for a girl who knows the capital of Maine.” David Brenner
“When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.” Rodney Dangerfield
“Love is the delightful interval between meeting a beautiful girl and discovering that she looks like a haddock.”- John Barrymore.
“I hate music, especially when it’s played.” – Jimmy Durante
“A psychiatrist asks a lot of expensive questions your wife asks for nothing.” Joey Adams
A question that sometimes drives me hazy: am I or are the others crazy?- Albert Einstein
No one is listening until you fart.
“Experts now believe bedwetting is more mental than physical,but as far as I’m concerned, that theory just doesn’t hold water.”- Scott E. Roeben
Larry King says he wants to be cryogenetically frozen when he dies. Who knew he was still alive?
“A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don’t have a top for it.” Jerry Seinfeld